so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
