I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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