saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
