if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
