Betty ford says i'm here all night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
