I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
