I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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