yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
