Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
