My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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