if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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