plz talk dirty to me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize