Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
