idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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