Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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