hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
