my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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