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My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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