just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And then he peed in my hair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
