dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
