hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize