Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
