if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
