some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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