Dude my mom stole all your condoms
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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