You can't special order awesome
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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