did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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