he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize