she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
