I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
