I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize