i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
