i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
