made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
