I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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