lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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