Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
