You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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