she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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