Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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