Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
