There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
