I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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