I must be too annoying 4 u.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
