Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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