Tell her she can't have a vagina
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize