end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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