i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
