By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She bit a glass in half.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
