I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
