trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
