The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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