he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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