Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
