I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
try to milk me bitch
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