He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dick has a subreddit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
