When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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