Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
