i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
