I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
