Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
