Too much gin, very little bucket
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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