it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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