Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
