all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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