You work out of a Hotel?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
