His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize