Me too!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
