the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
