I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
