i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
