Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's Friday. Sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
