dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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