We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
