i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize