As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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