oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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