Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
