I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize