I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
3 2 1 whiskey
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
