and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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