Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
