I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
