Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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